Chop Wood, Carry Water. (Chop Ice, Shovel Snow.)
For many of us, it has been a difficult winter with record cold and much snow. These times can be trying or not. It all depends on how one looks at them.
In the past I dreaded waking up to a driveway that had to be shoveled. I concentrated on how my back was going to feel, how cold I was going to get and the time I had to "waste" doing such difficult work. By the time winter was over, I felt emotionally worn down to a nub. I had stressed myself out over simple manual labor. I decided this stressed attitude was stupid. This winter I would look at the weather as an opportunity and was determined to embrace it as such.
The morning after the first snow of the season dawned bright and beautiful and the wind was gusty. The dogs were eager to get out and romp and I let them out into the fenced back yard. I put on my winter gear and headed out to the shed to fire up the "baby" snow blower affectionately known as Fred. After several hundred tries Fred started up just fine. (It can be difficult to get moving when you are old.) After gallantly blowing three feet of the driveway, a gale force gust of Arctic wind hit me. Fred coughed up a snowball, sputtered and died. I tried repeatedly to start him but to no avail. I felt the anger rising and my mind started to spew up all kinds of negative thoughts and blame for everyone I knew for my plight. I stopped myself, closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I calmed down and I figured I'd let Fred rest a bit and start the shoveling. I was determined to get through this chore with a positive attitude.
Clearing the walkways went without incident and I wandered back to Fred. After his little rest, it only took 20 pulls on the rope starter to fire him up. I was elated and gingerly pushed him forward. The wind gusts started to pick up and the snow that Fred was emitting was now hitting me in the face and making its' way up my nose. The glasses froze to my face and I could feel myself starting to get cranky. Fred started to sputter and wheeze, coughed up another snowball and stopped. I took my frozen glasses off and put them in my coat pocket and picked up the shovel to beat the crap out of Fred. (Not very Zen at all.) Just as I raised the weapon over my head, I looked at poor Fred, covered in snow with smoke pouring from his side and stopped myself. What was I doing! This old machine was doing the best it could. It wasn't made for driveways, more for walkways and decks. I was pushing him beyond his limits. What did I expect?
The dogs were watching this scene from behind the backyard fence and now Moe started to whimper then the whimper turned into a whine then into a demanding bark. He would not stop. Instead of yelling for him to stop, I figured I would let them out to run in the front yard while I shoveled. There were no cars and nobody was around. I opened the gate and they flew into the yard like a canine tsunami running and leaping in circles. I turned to get the shovel and my life flashed before my eyes. They slammed into me and I flew up into the air, make a 360 and landed on my back in the snow.
Stunned, I looked up at the sky and the beauty of it filled me with peace. This was why I liked winter. There is no other time of year that the light and color fuse to make this type of cerulean blue. Staring up into the heavens clarity came. There was no one to blame for my situation in life, no one to blame for Fred not working, no one to blame for me having to clear out this driveway by myself. Every decision I ever made brought me to this place and time. My life was of my own making.
The dogs realized I was not standing anymore and Bella came over and licked my face while Moe sat on my stomach. I started to laugh, pushed them both off and went to get the shovel.
I worked up a sweat shoveling the driveway and finished an hour and a half later smiling the whole time. Just for the hell of it, I tried to get Fred going before I put him back in the shed. He started up on the first try.
What did I learn? Well, this is my driveway, part of MY home. I am proud that I bought my own house when a lot of people thought I could never do it. I am proud that I've kept it up by myself the best that I could. I am grateful that I have a driveway to shovel and the physical ability to do so. I learned it's much better to get a power work-out in the fresh crisp air under such a beautiful sky instead of in front of the TV following some anorexic blond kick boxing across the screen. I learned while doing repetitive physical activity, I have power over what my mind thinks and feels. Everything I do, every thought I think, every decision I make is a choice. Only I can make that choice. I choose to see the beauty and find the "Godness" in everyday things. In a couple days I will be getting another fresh air power work-out, my forth this season. I look forward to it.
By the way, I also learned that it's great to have a German Shepherd lick your face and a Lab puppy sit on your belly when you're down. I also learned that just even for a few seconds, I CAN fly!
