Most of you are aware that the world is changing. New energies are
coming in and veils are lifting. So more things are being felt and seen
than before. “Unusual” activity is nothing new here in this house and
all who live here are quite used to it. Every now and then I see one of
our animal friends that have past on. ( I know they are here more times
than they make themselves known.) I am always happy to see them
and feel their presence. As of late, one dog in particular has been
making herself quite known, Emily, a beautiful German Shepherd that
passed several years ago. In our time together she proved to be my
greatest protector and saved my life 3 times. Once from men trying to
break into our home, once while jogging she pushed me off the side of
the road out of the way of a speeding car, and she woke me up one
night when the fireplace malfunctioned and smoke filled the house. She
was kind and gentle but took her job of protecting my daughter and I
very seriously but I was unaware of just how seriously.
When Emily would want to come in from the outside, she would make
a distinctive tap on the sliding glass door to alert me of her wishes. For
the last week I have been hearing that particular “tap,” and of course,
when I turn to look to see who or what is at the door, there is an
empty porch staring back at me. I open the door anyway for her spirit
to come in. Now she can just come through the closed door, but old
habits die hard.
The other day I pulled a picture of my 2 year old Shepherd named Bella
out to show someone and said, “This is my dog Emily.” Some may say
it was a slip of the tongue, but I know better. It seems lately every
time I call for Bella, I say the name “Emily.” To keep Bella from
thinking she has a new name, I shall tell Emily’s story. I know this is
what she wants. This is not an easy story to write because it comes
with several profound lessons for me. I am amazed at how much a
teacher is willing to sacrifice for the student to achieve wisdom. Many
times that wisdom comes after experiencing great pain. Emily brought
me such wisdom.
One night in her seventh year after being very healthy, (or so I
thought) she had a small seizure. Although it lasted only seconds, it got
my immediate attention. I brought her in to the hospital where I was
working the next morning. Her blood values were off the chart. The
radiograph showed a mass on her spleen. The medical advice was to
operate immediately before she had anymore seizures. Working in a
purely emotional state I gave the go ahead for surgery. I helped put her
under anesthesia all the while promising her it would be OK and how
much I loved her. I opted not to assist in the surgery because I could
not handle that. A few moments into the operation, I was called into
the surgical suite. There on the table was my best friend, splayed open
from stem to stern, internal organs exposed, and the surgeon pointing
to the mass which had not only taken her spleen but most of her liver.
I had to make a decision right there and then to either have him sew
her back up with that alien inside of her to die a painful death or end
her life right there. Not wanting her to suffer, I chose her death.
Driving home crying with her collar on the seat next to me, I started
beating myself up with the, “Could have, Would have, Should haves.” I
council people after the death of their pets but , I could not council
myself. For a long time all I could see was her open body and all I
could feel were my short comings. I felt I should have never agreed to
surgery. I should have KNOWN the tumor was inoperable from the
radiograph. I’m suppose to be an intuitive. I could have taken her
home at that point and had her euthanized peacefully at home with all
her loved ones around her. I should have KNOWN she was sick, 20
years in the veterinary field and I saw nothing wrong. How stupid was
I, how blind, how far did I have my head up my ass? How could I
have let my emotions get in the way of me being in that operating room
from the start? How could I have let my best friend get so sick I had
to kill her? I felt like a gutless, stupid, piece of shit. That is until
months later when I found out this whole situation was Emily’s gift to
me.
The liver and spleen process and cleanse toxins from the blood. When
there is an overabundance of toxins, these organs break down and
allow for disease to occur. Emily lived with me through turbulent
times. Life is a process, and my life did not process smoothly. When
things got tough, I drank more than was good for my body. I was
involved with some very toxic relationships. I was angry about a lot of
situations I felt I was stuck in and anger is a very toxic emotion. With
the way I was at that time and the way I treated by own body, there
was a good chance that I could have developed the same medical
problem that Emily did.
I have learned certain facts through the years such as animals protect
us by taking on our “stuff” in the physical. While working in the
veterinary field, I have seen this many times but never looked to see it
in my own life. Emily took all the poison in my life and processed it
through her own body giving me time to process my life and become
more of the person I am today.
The reason I did not know she was sick was because she did not want
me to know. If I had known, I could have taken steps to combat the
disease before it got to an impossible stage. She had more to “take on”
and was not going to stop until her job was completely finished. Just
before Emily died, I had stopped drinking to excess, released the anger
and toxic relationships, and was heading in a more balanced direction.
Emily’s job here was complete.
The fact that I could not get in touch with my intuitiveness or my
guides after looking at those radiographs was because my emotions
were ruling my mind. If I had taken 5 minutes to center and balance
myself, tap into higher-self and be still to hear, I would have handled
things differently. Yes, I would have known to just take her home and
have her euthanized in peace and love in the shade of her favorite tree
while I held her. She gave up her life and a peaceful death so that I
could come to wisdom in this area.
You can know the facts. Yes, I knew the toxic things in my life were
unhealthy, I knew that animals take on physical situations for us, I
knew uncontrolled emotions can block communication with higher-
self. I knew all these facts, but I hadn’t experienced them in a way that
would brand my heart and become part of who I am. Experiencing and
becoming the facts advances one to wisdom. Facts can be learned and
unlearned but wisdom can never be taken away.
Be balanced in your physical being, and your emotional being at all
times. Those that came here to protect and serve you, your companion
animals, will greatly benefit. So if your animal friend develops some
kind of physical situation, don’t complain about the vet bills, be very
thankful your friend is carrying your burden. Emily gave her life for
me or so it seemed when I started writing this. As she sits here by my
side in spirit form, I hear her say “Not just for you Mom, but for all
who read these words.” Thank you, Emily, thank you.
